Friday, May 10, 2013

Did he Smoke?

I am struggling with this post. I have been thinking about it since I told anyone he has lung cancer. So many ask, " Did he smoke?" As if his smoking makes cancer so much justified.  Do you ask a type-II diabetic , 'why do did you eat so much? Did you know your weight could cause heart attacks? '  Do you ask someone with brain tumors, oh did you think too much? Are we really blaming him for getting cancer?  I suppose it is our search for meaning - our desire to explain the unthinkable - to be sure, well, it couldn't happen to me, because I don't ____ (insert vice here).

 And I am pretty sure a 30 year smoker with lung cancer has already beaten himself up with regrets.  Do we wish he would have not smoked? yes. Might it have made a difference? yes. Do we hope our loved ones who smoke will quit? Absolutely!

 Please understand, whether he smoked or not does not make his cancer any more bearable to him, or to me, or to any of us who love him. I knew cancer was a possibility, always,  but it does not make it one bit easier. As my brother David said, No. Not one bit easier. Not. One. Bit. 

So when someone you know asks whether James smoked or not, call them on it. Why are they asking? Why does it matter?  My current response is, "Yes, he did, but it doesn't make this any easier."  If you come up with a snappier answer, please let me know!
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5 comments:

  1. MayavedaMay 11, 2013 at 7:07 PM

    I think your answer is good. We (people) are so happy to distance ourselves from the possibility that diseases strike everybody, possibly us! This particular type of lung cancer is the one found most often in non-smokers with lung cancer and in women. Could you imagine people asking in shock "Was he a non-smoker? Was he a woman?" Cancer is an equal opportunity bastard and we can live a life free of vice and we will still die. I have no clever comeback, just turning it back to the person as you do.

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  2. AnonymousMay 12, 2013 at 8:29 PM

    Sandra very well written! I got a real scare when this all went about and I chose on May 6th not to have another cig! Now not sure if that will make a difference but what I do know is that I shall try to be as Brave as my Brother is going to be in this journey of kicking this and coming out on the positive side!!! We shall conquer!!!!!

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  3. PatMay 12, 2013 at 8:32 PM

    Ok Sandra Im laughing now cause I found the one I should have picked!!!My Name instead of Anonymous!!!! So Stupid I am!!!

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  4. LindaMay 28, 2013 at 7:44 PM

    You are so right...did you have breasts...did you drink more than one glass of wine each night, did you get too near power poles...forget that (as CLO green says)...does not matter. We are where we are...and will win this battle. :-)

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  5. AnonymousAugust 3, 2013 at 12:13 AM

    I am guilty of this as well .. I suppose it is because we want to check ourselves off of the list. But anyone can get lung cancer, smoker or non smoker. Anyone can get cancer. Cancer SUCKS.

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