Where is God?

Last night we had a really nice visit with my brother and brother-in-law.  They were asking all about Jim's diagnosis and treatment and of course, "How are YOU?" Then David asked, "what question should we ask that we haven't?" Later on, that question really got me thinking, and perhaps because my brother is a minister, it made me think about God. Neither Jim nor I have written here about God. We know that many of you are praying for us and this means so much to both of us. 

I was raised in a church-going family, twice on Sundays, Wednesday night Bible study and Thursday night choir practice.  There were pleasantly blurred lines between family and congregation. I was raised American Baptist, which I later learned is quite different from Conservative or Southern Baptist.  My parents were (and are) loving, welcoming, compassionate and have a daily relationship with God. When I was old enough to think for myself, I accepted Christ as my personal Lord and Savior. Over the years I learned that for me, organized religion was not a path I chose, however I have a deep and abiding faith and spirituality. 

Years ago I sat at the bedside of a friend in his final days. We talked late into the night about why each of us are here. Kurt believed that God asked special angels to come back to Earth and live with HIV to teach us all compassion. In the middle of the night, as Kurt slept, I must've dozed off because I woke with a start with one thought in my head, Romans 13:9.

As soon as I got home, I looked up the passage in my Bible. 

The commandments, “You shall not commit adultery,” “You shall not murder,” “You shall not steal,” “You shall not covet,” and whatever other command there may be, are summed up in this one command: “Love your neighbor as yourself.” 

That was it, the answer to what is my purpose, to why are we here, to how do I respond to life's curves: the answer is love. I believe that we are put here on Earth for a purpose, and that purpose is simply to love each other. As Chrissie Hynde sang, "now the reason we're here, is to love each other, take care of each other, is to help each other, stand by each other."

Through our journey, I have never doubted the presence of a higher power. I have never asked, Where is God? Why me? I believe that God is here and God is everywhere.  I do not believe God gave Jim cancer, anymore than God caused a 13 year-old girl to come out of tonsil surgery as brain-dead.  I do believe that everything we have been through in our lives prepares us for everything to come. Thich Nhat Hahn says, in Living Buddha, Living Christ, "To breathe and to know you are alive is wonderful. Because you are alive, everything is possible... Please don't waste a single moment. Every moment is an opportunity to breathe life into the Buddha, the Dharma, the Sangha (the community). Every moment  is an opportunity to manifest the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit."

Keeping our eye on the prize

Here we are, celebrating the holidays at the infusion center.  With the help of Phoenix Tears and decadron, Jim finally started feeling better...today! Jim got his chest x-ray then we crossed the hall to the infusion center, which is surprisingly hopping today! After his B-12 shot (which made him very happy), he's getting saline, then dexamathasone, (anti-nausea steroid) then his chemo, docetaxel. It is quite the chemistry experiment and sometimes feels overwhelming, but we have confidence in our care team and trust them, literally, with Jim's life.

Going forward Jim will take a supplement which is shown to reduce the muscle aches that he experienced last time. He will also be taking a small dose of steroids to help combat fatigue and we are hoping the Phoenix tears also have an ongoing positive impact on energy, appetite and ease of breathing.

So that is all of the practical stuff we are doing.  The emotional stuff is a bit more of a challenge.  We are cherishing the moments we have and taking it one day at a time...sometimes easier said than done. Jim has been and continues to be a fighter. His spirits are strong and with the support we feel from all of you, and our care team, we know we will get through this. We are seeking balance between one day at a time and keeping the prize in sight.  We still believe we will beat the odds and Jim says he'll be the first 20 year lung cancer survivor, so at seven months we are just barely on our journey.  

Thanks for being there for us along the way!

Location:Carroll St,Sunnyvale,United States

A Season of Love

We had a short and sweet visit with Bobby and his bride, Melinda and of course, it was commemorated in video, Christmas in Cali.  We went to Monterey Bay Aquarium and had a wonderful Christmas dinner with the McFarlands.  Today, after putting the kids on a plane, we had our pre-chemo visit with the onco doctor. Jim has been coughing a lot and he's been losing sleep (so I have, too) so we are looking for some relief. Doc gave us a few suggestions and some new meds. We'll get a new lung x-ray tomorrow and then we'll get a follow-up CT scan in three weeks.

We hope you all had a wonderful Christmas and are enjoying the blessings of the season with those you love.

   

Taxotere - quick update

 We had hoped that only taking one chemo drug would be easier to take than the two, however the new drug, Taxotere has been an adventure. One of the common side effects is muscle and joint pain.  They weren't kidding!  We think we have a handle on it now with supplements, but the first week was pretty rough.  Today is football day and we are hoping the Vikings won't snatch defeat from the jaws of victory. We will decorate the tree after the game.  I have one more week of school and Bobby & Melinda arrive Friday!  We are looking forward to a wonderful week with our little family.

Winds change, we adjust our sails

Starting the day with happy news, our niece, Janelle, added to our wonderful family a beautiful, big 10lb7oz baby boy, we are so happy to welcome Jack into our family.

Today Jim is starting a new chemo drug which attacks the cells' ability to replicate.  There are, of course, new side effects and drugs to help avoid them.  He is still losing weight so we have to get back on track with his fat and calorie boosting diet...and I need to lose a pound for every pound he needs to gain!

We are feeling hopeful that this new tack will have positive results and as always, we appreciate your continued love, prayers and support.

CT Scan Update

Today we met with our oncologist, Dr. Wong to go over CT results and check in.  He is happy with James' recovery from pneumonia so as long as he keeps resting and taking his antibiotics, all looks good for full recovery.

The results of CT were mixed and lung reading was not clear due to pneumonia.  The tumor in the adrenal has grown about 20% which is obviously not the direction we were hoping for.  So Jim will be starting a new chemo regime on 12/6, giving him time to complete the full augmentin cycle.  The new drug is called Taxotere.  It will still be a 3 week cycle. It's good that it's only one drug (as opposed to the two he's been getting) though doc says Jim will lose all of his hair.  I'm bummed about the beard, he's bummed about his eyebrows /:>}

Thank you for your continued support and prayers.

Going Home!

I showed up today to find out that James gets to come home today!  He's getting a final cycle of the 3 IV antibiotics, one more unit of blood and then we can go home. These feet are ready! (The booties are the best part of a hospital stay.)

  

He'll be on augmentin for 10 days and confined to home with limited activity for a few days. We'll meet with Dr. Wong as scheduled, on Wednesday to review CT results and determine next steps.

We are grateful for each day and moment that we have.  Thank you for being part of it.

Good Morning El Camino

A bright and sunny day in NoCal. Two doctors visits this morning, the hospital MD and our oncologist. Both confirm pneumonia. They plan to keep James here at least until Monday to 'keep a captive audience'. They have no concerns about the heart, they feel it was related to shortness of breath, lung function and low blood. He's getting a unit of blood this morning and will continue receiving blood thinners (painful shots in the gut, once a day) while he is here.

Dr. Wong will be able to review CT scan tomorrow and we won't have to do the scheduled one on Tuesday since he got on in the ER yesterday. The scan will give us an idea of the impact of chemo on the cancer. We'll know later this week if we are going ahead with maintenance chemo this week or later.

Mike is calling in Vikings play by play, so the nurses are wondering what the screams of agony are, coming from room 24 :). Other than Vikings, he is in good spirits, though a little ornery...which means he is feeling better...yay.

Thanks for your continued love, prayers and calls.  Your support means a lot.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Location:North Dr,Mountain View,United States

El Camino Hospital ER

At ER. EKG, CT and X-ray done. Possible infection, possible pneumonia. Taking all precautions. IV levofloxacin (antibiotic) and fluids. Jim not happy but it's better to be safe. I'll smuggle lamb curry in later. 

4:30 Update

They'll be admitting him. ER doc says a few days. I'll be happy if he stays one....he wants to go home now...can't say that I blame him.  I did some research on the 2 antibiotics they are pumping into him.  The good news is he is also now protected from the plague, anthrax and e.coli. The bad news is he has so few white blood cells we could name them.

5:45 Update

They've got him a room so we'll move up soon. He had some broth so is feeling better.  On 3rd antibiotic, vancomycin.  All vitals are strong. Feeling grateful.  

6:35 finally in his room.  Comfier bed, food on the way, good care team.  We are on oncology floor so they'll be taking good care of him.

Posted from my phone

Pink is the new...You!

He is pink! Seriously!  Transfusion went fine, it took about 4 hours to get 2 units of blood into him but it was incredibly uneventful...which is a good thing!  I got a lot of work done on report cards and he was mostly hungry through the whole thing!  We went out for dinner afterwards with Linda and Ed.  Jim is still feeling great and we are quite relieved.

Only My Husband

Has an ice chest brought to him!

Everyday is a New Adventure

So we are sitting in the infusion center, minding our own business.  Jim mentions he's feeling a little itchy, which is not uncommon when I change laundry soap, so I'm not too worried.  Then the little dots appeared.  I called the nurse over and sure enough, he had an allergic reaction to the carboplatin.  Apparently that is quite common on 6th to 10th infusion...we are right on schedule, it's his 6th full dose of carbo.  The nurses were all over it and gave him Benadryl and hydrocortisone to get the itching down.  Once the bumps (hives) go down, they'll finish off the carbo.  Sorry ladies, no early Friday for you.

Being Present in the Here and Now

It is so me to be anxious about what might be. I'm much better about not looking back.  So my mantra is captured in the image below.  I try not to worry about the things I cannot change, and the strength to change the things I can.  I try to stay present with what is, and not worry about what might happen.

It's the eve of Chemo #6, the last of the big boy chemo!!  We have gone through so much since this adventure started, it's hard to imagine it was only 6 months ago.  And here we are.  We met with Dr. Wong today for our usual. He was usual self, but was happy at Jim's color and maintenance of his weight.  Due to chemo, Jim is pretty anemic so he'll have a transfusion next week.  It's a little weird for us, as it's his first, but I'm sure he'll feel better with it.  He'll go for a CT scan Thanksgiving week and we'll meet with doc after that to determine when to start maintenance chemo.  Weirdly, we are hoping to start before Christmas,so we can get a sense of whether Jim will be able to go back to work in January.

Jim started prednisone last week to help with the healing of his lungs.  Dr. Singha said the renewed coughing is normal due to all the dead cells in Jim's lungs needed to be shed. The steroid should help, as well as the heavy duty cough syrup he takes when the coughing gets bad. He will have a chest x-ray tomorrow just to make sure everything is as it should be.  Conveniently, I need a knee x-Ray as well, so we'll be the family that scans together.

Trying not to worry about things we cannot change, and changing the things we can.

Today is my favorite day

 Because I spend it with you.

Sorry for the drought of posts.  October is such a busy month.  Last week was big boy chemo #5, only one more to go.  This past week, then, has been recovery week and it has been a tough one for both of us.  Nausea is back and along with it a new side effect of sleeplessness.  Jim's body is restless all the time, not just the Man of Action kind of restless but what I call the flopping fish on the bank of a river restless.  He is on a new med that will help him sleep.  It's frustrating because we get him off the pain meds, only to have new meds introduced.  

The realization that this is our new normal is both overwhelming and reassuring. Although cancer sucks, we feel like "we've got this". We have a pretty good sense of what we are facing with the maintenance chemo, and we know the side effects of that will be much less than what we, and I do mean we, are going through.  The maintenance chemo will still be every three weeks but will consist of only Alitma on top of the anti-nausea and steroid that he has been getting. Carboplatin will be dropped and that is the one, according to the doc, that has been giving him all the problems. Jim is hoping that since the new regime will be more manageable, he'll go back to work in January.  I continue to have mixed feelings about this, but agree that he should do it if it makes him happy.

That really is our new normal, to try to embrace the here and now.

Thank you for being part of our journey.

Winning the battle

So the war rages on to defeat you.
Well yesterday a major battle was won by our team.

The radiation oncolologist from our care team reading from the 9/23 CT Scan stated:
1. The tumor in my right lung is gone and only scare tissue remains.
2. This scar tissue tracks over to my Lung lymph nodes that we're surgically removed. These also appear and
are operating normally.
3. Chemo is also hammering these tumors and adrenal gland tumors are reduced by 50%. these were small to start with. No additional growth or new tumors.
End statement the tumors are dead and only scar tissue is left and my body is disposing of the dead tissue.

Chemo will continue for 2 more sessions and the nausea meds are now tracking for a much better quality of life.

We are well and greatly relieved by this incrediable progress. Thanks to all for prayers and support to out battle with this horable dieses.

As for you evil one, Bring it on..

JBM








- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Location:Santa Clara,United States

Ayurveda Care

Yesterday when we were at the infusion center, we saw a flyer for upcoming workshops including one on Ayurveda and Cancer care. It was nice to see that they offer information on other aspects of care, not only western medicine.



The American Cancer Society has a page about Ayurveda with links to other aspects of complementary care


The flyer was out of date, but we realized we didn't need their workshop, we have our own Ayurvedic practitioner on my care team!

Not only is Mary our dear friend but she has been a great support making teas and tinctures, as well as providing emotional support both to me and Sandra.


I am so grateful to have support from so many friends and family!

Sent from my iPad


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Location:Santa Clara, CA.

Your feeble Attempt

So you think the surgical option is your victory.
It is not, it is your trap. You miserable cheat and deceptor.
I am on to you; we touch them, and the spread like a wild fire.
Your diabolical agenda is once again dwarfed.



I am informed by my elite medical team and care givers on 09 23 2013 by EXAMINATION:
-----------------------------------------
CT of the chest, abdomen and pelvis with contrast with HISTORY: Metastatic lung cancer. Status post chemotherapy.
Evaluate change.
COMPARISON: CT chest, abdomen and pelvis 07/22/2013 to 09 23 2013
-----------------------------------------
Lung decreased, measuring 1.1 cm, previously 1.6 cm. Another pleural-based groundglass opacity in the right upper lobe (series 3, image 39) is not significantly changed, measuring 1.3 cm, previously measured 1.2 cm.

The left lung is unremarkable. Previously noted pretracheal lymph node now measures 1.5 x 1.8 cm, decreased in size from 07/22/2013. Subcarinal soft tissue has also slightly decreased.

No pericardial effusion. No axillary adenopathy. Imaged portion of the thyroid gland is unremarkable.

A hypervascular lesion of 7 mm in the left liver dome is unchanged. A tiny cyst of 3.5 mm in the lateral segment left hepatic lobe is also stable. A 1.4 cm accessory spleen is identified.
Spleen and pancreas and gallbladder are unremarkable.
-------------------------------------
The left adrenal mass now measures 2.9 x 2.5 cm, decreased from 4.2 x 3.5 cm.

The right adrenal nodule has also decreased, measuring 2.1 x 0.6 cm, previously measured 2.8 x 1.6 cm.

The cyst in the upper pole of the right kidney is unchanged. Left kidney is unremarkable.

No lymph node enlargement or ascites or bowel dilatation. The bladder and prostate are unremarkable.
-------------------------------------


So with this noted, they strive to defeat you as I do with a single mission, we will not be defeated!
Not just for me, but for the hundreds of dedicated warriors in this fight.
We will not be deterred or demoralized. Remember the vultures are circling you and not me.
Your world is weakened each and every time we see them. Their smiles and focus is unprecedented.
My strength returns and my mission is clear. You will not defeat my body, as noted, or my soul or spirit fed by:

My confidants, with support and ongoing encouragement, Ed and Linda and my dearest and greatest strength, Sandra. Baby I would not be here without you.



My siblings Patricia, Michael, and Mary who give me strength and support with knowledge of previous acts of support, kindness and strength beyond understanding.

Marie, my anchor, my medical care giver that provides insight, guidance, support and most of all the love that only those that have been through it can understand.

Myself, you sorry bastard, because I will NOT give you what you want because my love and dedication to these people will outweigh anything you can throw at me.

The love and care I get is second to none and exceptional in ever facet of life lessons, energy and support to kick your ass and take anything you can throw at me.

I am a simple man with very simple needs. To love my wife and spend the next 20 years to continue showing her what real love and dedication to another really is.

BRING IT ON, I am prepared for anything that you can throw at me and then some, because I AM invincible when it comes to you and your pitiful games.


JBM






- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Chemo #4 of 6 in the books

Another uneventful chemo treatment. It was time for another B-12 along with the usual dexamethasone steroid. So odds are I won't be sleeping a lot but working on some projects all night! Both our nutritionist and oncology nurse stopped by and commented how good I looked! It's amazing how much controlling the nausea has made a difference. Feeling hopeful for this round.

Jim

Location:Sunnyvale

And the results are in!

We had a good report on midway CT scan today.  Adrenal gland tumors have shrunk almost 50% and bronchial tumors have shrunk as well.  Lungs look a little worse, but both oncology and and radiation doc think the opacity is from the radiation scarring, not more cancer so they are not at all concerned. 

Jim can start light exercise (stretching, walking, easy yoga) and now that we seem to have the nausea under control, he is feeling much more enthuse plastic about getting his old self back, or maybe his new self!

We will post more later (Jim is working on the next installment of his Battle) but we wanted to share our good news.  We are at Black Angus, our celebratory spot, watching the Niners.  

Love, hugs and gratitude,

S & J

Did He Smoke, part II

As a follow up to my earliest post, "did he smoke?", Tracey sent me this thought provoking article from Slate.com, http://www.slate.com/articles/health_and_science/medical_examiner/2013/09/cancer_stigma_don_t_blame_patients_for_their_disease_no_matter_what_the.html

When someone who is not a health practitioner asks, did you smoke? were you in the sun a lot? did you eat too much fat? There is no action, nothing constructive that can come out of the answer.

Judgments about behavior not only unsettle and stigmatize the patient, but reflect the interrogator’s own insecurities. Frequently, those disease detectives are attempting to regain a sense of control amid the inherently random and sometimes unjust world that we all reside in, according to researchers who have studied stigma. Psychologists refer to this as the “just-world hypothesis,” a bias in thinking and perception that was first described by psychologist Melvin Lerner and colleagues more than four decades ago ...

“I think that in one part there is a fundamental assumption in our society that the world is a just place, and that bad things don’t happen to good people,” says Gerald Devins, a stigma researcher and senior scientist at the Ontario Cancer Institute in Toronto. “And I think when bad things happen to good people, it’s threatening to everybody.”

“Secondly, you can say knowledge is power in a sense,” Devins says. “If we feel like we understand something, it gives us the illusion of control.”

It doesn't change a thing.

Third time's the charm

Just a quick update to let you know how things are going.  After getting the new regime from doc, we had a very detailed plan for staving off the nausea.  I created a little chart with what to take when (yes, being married to a teacher has it's rewards) and it really helped us to keep to a schedule.  Jim did great the first couple days.  It was a little iffy the first Monday (when I had to go back to school), but when he kept to the schedule, and kept eating light meals throughout the day, it seemed to really help.  So week one went great!...at least in comparison to the first two doses.  This week he has had occasional light nausea but NOTHING like it was before.  

Next week he has his midway CT scan and we are trying not to be nervous about that, since really there is nothing we can do.  

If there is nothing you can do, why be worried? Why be worried if there is something you can do? S.McConnell

What, me worry? Alfred E. Newman

“If the problem can be solved why worry? If the problem cannot be solved worrying will do you no good.”Śāntideva

If the problem has a solution, worrying is pointless, in the end the problem will be solved. If the problem has no solution, there is no reason to worry, because it can't be solved.Hsin Hsin Ming

What is Chemo

The question has been asked my several of you, so we thought we'd do a little public education. most of this post is courtesy of the American Cancer Society. The word chemotherapy means the use of any drug (such as aspirin or penicillin) to treat any disease, but to most people chemotherapy refers to drugs used for cancer treatment. It’s often shortened to “chemo".

Treatments like radiation and surgery are considered local treatments. They act only in one area of the body such as the lung and usually target the cancer directly. Chemotherapy differs from surgery or radiation in that it’s almost always used as a systemic treatment. This means the drugs travel throughout the body to reach cancer cells wherever they are, even if they are undetectable to the eye or current image technology (i.e. PET, CT).

Chemotherapy drugs cannot tell the difference between reproducing cells of normal tissues (those that are replacing worn-out normal cells) and cancer cells. This means normal cells are damaged and this results in side effects. Each time chemotherapy is given, it involves trying to find a balance between destroying the cancer cells (in order to cure or control the disease) and sparing the normal cells (to lessen unwanted side effects).

There are three possible goals of chemo: cure, control or palliative. When cure is not possible, the goal may be to control the disease — to shrink any cancerous tumors and/or stop the cancer from growing and spreading. This can help someone with cancer feel better and possibly live longer. In many cases, the cancer does not completely go away but is controlled and managed as a chronic disease, much like heart disease or diabetes.

Jim is on two different chemo drugs. His infusion (IV) takes about two and a half hours. He starts with a steroid solution for 15 minutes or so, then gets the anti-nausea med, Zofran, (the same thing he takes in pill form a few days after chemo, at home). That takes about 30 minutes. Then he gets the first chemo drug, then the second. The nurse checks between each step, and the system flushes the lines with a saline solution. They inject him in the arm, either the forearm or the inside crook of his elbow. They've done his hand but he doesn't like that.

Hope this answers some of your questions, we are learning so much...wish we didn't have to.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

The True Cost of Smoking & Tobacco Use | American Cancer Society

The True Cost of Smoking & Tobacco Use | American Cancer Society

Halfway there!

We had the third chemo Friday and it was non-eventful. Our nutritionist stopped by and was encouraging with more ideas for adding fat into Jim's diet.  The big news is the 'after-party'.  We had the regular pre-chemo meeting with oncologist on Thursday.  Dr. Wong is on vacation so we met with Dr. deBruin.  Like Dr. Wong, she was very accessible and helpful.  We told her our biggest concern was the nausea, which was lasting almost the whole 3 weeks.  So she laid out a coverage plan, essentially, for 4 different meds, to help ensure that nausea never gets a chance to take hold.  This is where our project management and teacher planning skills come into play.  First I made a little chart, then I modified an AM/PM weekly pill holder to be a 14 hour pill holder!  And the new regime is working!  So far, so good!  

The past two times, by Sunday the nausea was overwhelming.  Today Jim has been doing chores and even left the house a couple times! He's cooking dinner now! Yay!  Too soon to call it, but it feels like we have turned a corner.

We also talked to Dr. deB. about getting Jim off pain meds.  James had such bad withdrawal symptoms when he stopped the Vicodin, that Dr, Wong had told him not to try to quit the morphine yet.  Now that time has passed, we have a plan to ease him off the morphine over the coming weeks.

Finally, Jim asked for a second opinion on surgical options.  Both docs agree that at this point in time, surgery is not feasible for Jim.  They feel that chemo is the best treatment as it gets all the cancer cells, not just the ones they can see.  She feels that the risks of surgery far outweigh the benefits at this time.  

The next step is a mid-point CT scan on the 23rd.  We'll get a picture of the impact of the big boy chemo next time we see Dr. Wong in three weeks.

Sorry we haven't posted as much.  We are getting into a routine with Sandra back to school.  Please know we appreciate all of your love, concern and support.

Boom, boom! Munch, munch!

Here is James sporting his space invaders beanie.  We are visualizing each drip attacking those stoopid cancer cells!  Thank you, Marie! We are at Big Boy Chemo #3 - halfway there.  Will write more later just wanted a quick update.  Nausea is still our enemy, but we have a new plan of attack.  Jim will also be reducing his pain meds and should be off of all pain meds within two weeks.  Our body-building trainer neighbor, Court, is ready to take on Jim as a project.  So once he starts feeling better next week, he'll start getting some more exercise and building up his strength.

Create Understanding and Compassion

We know also that in the Kingdom of God there is suffering. Where there is no mud there is no lotus flower. Where there is no suffering there will be no understanding and compassion. So my definition of the Kingdom of God is, "The place where people know how to make good use of suffering in order to create understanding and compassion." (ca 2:50:00)

Mindfulness as a Foundation for Health: Thich Nhat Hanh


Thank you David.



- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Chemo #2

Yesterday was big boy chemo #2.  We went to the new infusion center closer to home. It is very nice and the chairs even massage (his, not mine). We had met with doc last week and the day before chemo. He adjusted the nausea meds and also prescribed more drugs to take in the days following.  What a wonderful difference!  Jim slept through the chemo and I got some work done to get ready for school Monday.  He felt great last night (Tricia, you are so right about the D. steroid! As if the man of action needs MORE energy!) Today he has been running errands, working in the yard and generally feeling pretty darn good!  Whew! What a relief! I even slept great last night!

We mapped out the final four sessions of this cycle and have the appointments all booked. After the 3rd infusion, (halfway) he'll have a CT scan to see the effect of the chemo on his tumors.  I am starting back to school Monday and the staff has been incredibly supportive of working around appointments and such. Jim talked to his management team and he will continue to stay on leave for now.  His number one job is to get healthy!

Please continue to keep us in your prayers.

T-shirt Love

Enjoying Sisters

At one of our favorite spots in Santa Cruz, the Crow's Nest for brunch. Sporting our garb.






- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Location:Atlantic Ave,Santa Cruz,United States

Feeling better

After the fluids and new meds and the passage of time, Jim is feeling much better. This weekend he was like a whirling dervish doing all sorts of work in the yard and even some honey-do's off my list!  He is in what is called the nadir, which is essentially the point in his cycle where his immune system is at its lowest, so he needs to avoid large groups of people and be really careful with hand washing, etc.

We were bummed to miss SYL this year, but here a picture from the time we were able to be there -  it was already 2 years ago!

I have been visiting the classrooms a couple times a week trying to get a good jump on the year. We have our first meeting tomorrow and officially report back on the 13th, with classes starting August 19.  We are most excited to have the sisters here tomorrow!! YEAH!  Bring on the snicker salad!

Jack Sprat should eat more fat, his wife should eat more lean!

We met with a nutritionist today.  Like all of us, she is concerned with Jim's weight loss and wanting to keep him strong for the battle!  She gave us some great suggestions, all completely counter to what I need to do to lose weight. Basically, he needs more fat in his diet! She said that fat is helpful in fighting lung cancer, seriously! So more cheese, ice cream, peanut butter, guacamole and basically add butter, oil or whey protein powder to anything we can!  So Pat and Mary, when you are here you'll need to teach me to cook with cheese and butter!

He's had a bad time with nausea so after our hour with the nutritionist we are at the infusion center.  Jim is getting an IV with anti-nausea drugs and then just fluids as he is dehydrated from the last few days.  

To top it off we are grieving the loss of our dear friend, John.  He died yesterday after fighting off an infection related to an aortic aneurysm.  He was a kind, gentle, compassionate man and we will miss his friendship.  

Fear is Useless

"Fear's useless. Either something bad happens or it doesn't: If it doesn't, you've wasted time being afraid, and if it does, you've wasted time that you could have spent sharpening your weapons." -Sarah Rees Brennan

Thank you, Mary, for today's inspiration!

Big boy chemo day one - done

We had a good informational meeting today with the onco nurse then had the first big boy chemo.  Jim did great!  He also had a B-12 shot and I think he worried more about that than the chemo.  He's doing really well today. Of course we know the harder days are to come.  But today, a good day.

It will be at least two weeks before he goes back to work, and I'm hoping he starts part time, to ease into it. In the meantime, we will determine what his pattern is, as far as recovering from each infusion.

Your love and prayers carried us through the day and we are continually grateful for all of your support.

                                                    

    

Let's rock

Chemo starts tomorrow (Friday) at 8:30.  Let's go!  

Picture by Brennan

Let the Healing Begin!

We met with Dr. Wong, our oncologist, today.  It was mostly good news and we left feeling very relieved and energized.  The tumors in his lungs (including on the lymph nodes) responded well to radiation and shrunk noticeably.  The tumors in each of his adrenal glands were not included in the radiation so, as we had expected, they grew a little bit.

Jim's pain management is going much better. He will be weaning off the morphine and just taking vidodin as needed.  His weight seems to be holding, so I just need to keep making his milkshakes!

The good news is we will be starting chemo ASAP. We are expecting a call from the onco nurse setting up our first dose for Friday!  He will be on a mixture of Carboplatin and Alimta once every three weeks, for about 6 cycles. Then he will be on a maintenance regime of Alimta.  We will try to have his treatment on Fridays or Thursdays so I can be with him (once I go back to school) on the few days after each treatment, and he will have the weekends to recuperate.

After a week goes by, doc and Jim will decide if/when he can go back to work. We are thinking he will go back part time.  If he can start back as early as Aug. 1 we can avoid shifting benefits to COBRA, which would be great.  We'll be negotiating with his HR person tomorrow and she has been great through all of this.  Jim is really looking forward to being back at work! Though his honey do list still has some items on it...

All in all, emotions are high and expectations are good.  Jim is in a good place and we can finally start moving forward with treatment again.

Thank you to my big-hearted sister Sharon for the bracelets! We are in this together and we so appreciate everyone's love, prayers and support!

The Waiting

The waiting is the hardest part

Every day you get one more yard

You take it on faith, you take it to the heart

The waiting is the hardest part

~ Tom Petty

A time to rest

Sorry we haven't posted lately, just not much going on.  We are in that healing time between radiation and chemo.  Jim still has pain when eating, so he is continuing to lose weight. However, the pain is much less than it was and he seems to be getting some of his appetite back. His energy is pretty low, though he does have moment of great bursts of energy.

We plan to drive down to southern CA for a Honda S2000/CR rally this weekend.  He is very excited about it.  Then he has his CT scan on Monday and we meet with the oncology doc next Wednesday.

Not much to report.  I know we got our Cancer Sux shirts so if you got yours, please take a picture and send it on!

Operation: Chow Down

So our newest challenge is getting some pounds back on him (and preferably off me in the process, if only it worked that way). Marie gave us some great advice. James is being a really good sport and trying things I never thought he would. We are adding protient powder to anything we can, and he is even addiing aloe vera gel to his Patron!  Today he had a yummy (I taste tested, hence, no loss for me) smoothie/milk shake, complete with Boost and vanilla bean ice cream.  Thank goodness such a wide variety of fruit is available right now!

I am hoping when the sibs come out to visit next month they will make him some snicker salad!

Different day, same story

We just met with Dr. Wong, our oncologist. He said the pain Jim has when eating is not unexpected and gave us a few things to try. We're happy that he won't have to go into the hospital for testing, he'll just go in for a CT scan in two weeks then we'll meet with Doc on 24th to decide when to move forward with chemo. 

So James just now said,  "if we have another 2 weeks we gotta find something for me to do!"  Fortunately I have quite a list of honey-do activities in mind. 

The Battle Continues

You, the evil and unmerciful one, my initial battles with you and your worthless hoard of cells are not making any ground. I have shown you, we will not go down without a fight.


With the love of my life, Sandra, at my side there is nothing in this world that I would not fight to the ends of the earth to continue my destined journey with her. This will not and cannot change, because she with her strength and love; is what I spent my whole life searching for.


 My simple and manageable wounds are only making me more determined in my fight against you. So many are losing the strength needed to defeat you; however, I fight with a dedication and strength for them as well. Their passion and hope for a life without your senseless suffering requires a steady and clear determination that defeat is not an option. I carry with me their love, pride, passion and hope that we will not be defeated.

We, with great sadness, call out to those who have already lost that special someone in this battle and our support for their loved ones must endure. Within this support of our lost warriors, we will continue to move forward with a single mission; that is, your complete destruction. Each new light you see joining our fight is yet another light bright with hope and the dedication to fight you. Each light is yet another warrior beginning their battle with you.

 
As one, we continue and each time you knock me down, we will get up, smile, and very politely say "is that the best you’ve got?" My team of warriors has applied technology beyond your comprehension with a precision and certain destruction of your world, And what a beautiful world it will be without you.

You will never see a world without us waiting for you, stalking you for the guaranteed battle to destroy you! You will then clearly understand what we are willing to do to preserve that which we have focused every part of our being to correct. This is only but a small taste of what will continue to come with no remorse or compassion. The only logical and certain result is the total annihilation of your world and peace forever in ours.

Our warriors are so looking forward to the glorious celebration of a world without you. You will never be what you were and with great assurance, this will never occur again. Our warriors are watching and coming to our defense to assure that you never gain this hold on us again. You will be defeated and we will be the victors.

JBM