Just Breathe

After a week of waiting, we finally got in to see our favorite pulmonary specialist.  After reviewing the CT scan and symptoms, he agreed with Dr. Wong that we could gather helpful info from a broncoscopy.  So Friday Jim will have his 4th broncoscopy in six months!   Poor guy, but really we are quite hopeful that what they learn will help bring relief.

Dr. Krishna will be able to ultrasound the lung and biopsy several areas to check for infection. Once we have a better picture of what is happening inside, then they can customize a treatment for him.  I wish I had more to report, but it is what it is.  Thank you for your continued love and support.

You are the wind beneath our wings

To all, with the exception of our enemy, we love you and without your support, encouragement, direction, guidance and love we could not imagine this fight. We so appreciate the love and support we get from all of you. We enjoy knowing that you read our blog and find it helpful. Please continue to leave comments as they are a source of encouragement for both of us. You truly are the wind beneath our wings! (I hope we have resolved the problem in posting comments). You can also have Google's Blogger notify you when we make posts, so you don't have to keep checking back.

We wanted to share some comments for previous posts:

"The transfusion will help him with his energy and fatigue. Love you guys - as the song goes, you are always on my mind."

"Prayers for continued strength in this battle" Love you Marie

"I love you, Jim & wish I could do more. You are doing so well & i know each day you go through it out of love. You are fighting the good fight"

"I find your love and strength highly remarkable, Jim. I'm sending a kisses, wiggles and giggles your way everyday :) Sheila

"Beautifully written, well said. You are remarkable in keeping your focus and fighting the good fight." Love Mary

"Oh Jim and Sandy - LOVE LOVE reading the CT report - its the medical geek in me! This is truly impressive results. Thank you for the shout out Jim, I truly wish this was a battle you were not in - but my friend - I believe you have the inner strength and courage to beat this !! " Love you both Marie

"Just saying .. medical marijuana was made legal for just this reason. It is a fantastic nausea fighting drug and helps you eat. I can understand that you probably don't want to take one more thing but it sure does help with some of your side effects. A friend's dad takes it for his Parkinson's symptoms. It is amazing how many forms you can get it! It just might help you get down all that bacon fat! love you guys." Tracy
(BTW.... It really Helps. Thank you Tracy.)

"God bless Linda, for feeding you and nourishing your soul. ,Love you both!" Marie

"Was a wonderful trip and we can't wait for the next cruise together!! :-)" Linda & Ed

"Hello to all you Mates!!!! LOL I am so Happy to hear that you are having fun and the Sailing is Breath taking!! I wish you many adventurous days!! Cant wait to hear and see more! And for you my Brother. I hope you get to relax,eat plenty, and enjoy a few sunset's with your Wife!!! Love to you both!!!!!!" Your Sis Pat

"Hang in there baby!!! I am so glad you are going to take the wonderful Alaska trip. You so deserve it and what an great adventure too. Remember to relax and take care of each other. I love you guys!!!" Kathy

"AWESOME!!!!! I'm standing right behind you two to fight the fight!!! LOVE U {to my Awesome brother}" Your sis Pat

"Love this! Freaking awesome dad! Love you." Bobby

"I so proud of how strong you have been during all this, although I am not the least surprised knowing how strong willed you are. Keep spirits high and we send our love and prayers to sunny California! :) miss you all so much and you will beat this!!" Courtney, Gracie, & Colton

"Jim is too cool for words, or exhausted from the long night of coughing. Whichever, he has mastered the art of getting sleep when you can! The grasshopper is a quick study :-)  So glad you got a little somethin, somethin." Love to you both! Marie

"Me too..love you both..."Linda

"Agreed Marie,....we are in for the long fight and will win" Linda

"That truly is a good sign. Fully expect Jim to charm everyone. Love to you both" Marie

"Yes, It was funny that they could not tell which one of us was the patient...good news for Jim and all of us as we fight!!!!!!!" Marie

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

A letter to my cowardly enemy

It has been a while since my last notation of your attack upon my my body and well being.  You have now taken shots at my medical care team. This will not be tolerated.



They are brilliant, strong and talented and the the regime has been planned with purpose and precision and one objective in mind. To kick your sorry and destructive ass.


My team is not enduring the physical treatments and day by day assaults on my body, but they share what you can not touch.  They share with me their strength, endurance, compassion and a never-ending Love and Support that is second to NONE.
Blessed is thee that possess what only comes with the almighty, my wife with her unwavering love.



You have no concept of what this means or what it means to us. The strength, intensity of our love is un-paralleled.  She has not missed one treatment from May 2013 to present.  Not one day in the hospital was without her and never once a thought without my well being in mind.  Without exception.


A family has many members and they all watch over me. Some are human and others not, but they love you and watch over you with an unconditional love and knowledge even when you don't know yourself. She is selfless and in her mind you need her love too. Not on her watch, nothing will ever happen, even during rest time. Compete with that.




I will never take my eyes off you and the battle that I am in with you.  Know that this will not end until you are dead and long gone from my body and soul and the millions yet to win this battle with your sorry self. I and only I choose to be a survivor of cancer not your victim of cancer. We laugh at your feeble attempts at ruining peoples lives.



So let the battle continue. I AM more focused than ever and my path is not giving up, but getting stronger and more focused on what will defeat you.



My ride is on the shoulders of incredible people and they too are packing for the fight. We plan, we draw a deep breath and give you all that we have. My breath is supported by many and what you have done with mine is of no consequence. Take that you unbearable bastard. Do you see my warriors medical and our physical stamina?
Prepared or not, you have no chance.


This is what is next for you. Diligent and firm we will stand and the break in the bridge is where you will fall. WE will watch you fall into oblivion.





Jim

Posted from Jim's iPad

We Are Strong

Where is God?

Last night we had a really nice visit with my brother and brother-in-law.  They were asking all about Jim's diagnosis and treatment and of course, "How are YOU?" Then David asked, "what question should we ask that we haven't?" Later on, that question really got me thinking, and perhaps because my brother is a minister, it made me think about God. Neither Jim nor I have written here about God. We know that many of you are praying for us and this means so much to both of us. 

I was raised in a church-going family, twice on Sundays, Wednesday night Bible study and Thursday night choir practice.  There were pleasantly blurred lines between family and congregation. I was raised American Baptist, which I later learned is quite different from Conservative or Southern Baptist.  My parents were (and are) loving, welcoming, compassionate and have a daily relationship with God. When I was old enough to think for myself, I accepted Christ as my personal Lord and Savior. Over the years I learned that for me, organized religion was not a path I chose, however I have a deep and abiding faith and spirituality. 

Years ago I sat at the bedside of a friend in his final days. We talked late into the night about why each of us are here. Kurt believed that God asked special angels to come back to Earth and live with HIV to teach us all compassion. In the middle of the night, as Kurt slept, I must've dozed off because I woke with a start with one thought in my head, Romans 13:9.

As soon as I got home, I looked up the passage in my Bible. 

The commandments, “You shall not commit adultery,” “You shall not murder,” “You shall not steal,” “You shall not covet,” and whatever other command there may be, are summed up in this one command: “Love your neighbor as yourself.” 

That was it, the answer to what is my purpose, to why are we here, to how do I respond to life's curves: the answer is love. I believe that we are put here on Earth for a purpose, and that purpose is simply to love each other. As Chrissie Hynde sang, "now the reason we're here, is to love each other, take care of each other, is to help each other, stand by each other."

Through our journey, I have never doubted the presence of a higher power. I have never asked, Where is God? Why me? I believe that God is here and God is everywhere.  I do not believe God gave Jim cancer, anymore than God caused a 13 year-old girl to come out of tonsil surgery as brain-dead.  I do believe that everything we have been through in our lives prepares us for everything to come. Thich Nhat Hahn says, in Living Buddha, Living Christ, "To breathe and to know you are alive is wonderful. Because you are alive, everything is possible... Please don't waste a single moment. Every moment is an opportunity to breathe life into the Buddha, the Dharma, the Sangha (the community). Every moment  is an opportunity to manifest the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit."

Keeping our eye on the prize

Here we are, celebrating the holidays at the infusion center.  With the help of Phoenix Tears and decadron, Jim finally started feeling better...today! Jim got his chest x-ray then we crossed the hall to the infusion center, which is surprisingly hopping today! After his B-12 shot (which made him very happy), he's getting saline, then dexamathasone, (anti-nausea steroid) then his chemo, docetaxel. It is quite the chemistry experiment and sometimes feels overwhelming, but we have confidence in our care team and trust them, literally, with Jim's life.

Going forward Jim will take a supplement which is shown to reduce the muscle aches that he experienced last time. He will also be taking a small dose of steroids to help combat fatigue and we are hoping the Phoenix tears also have an ongoing positive impact on energy, appetite and ease of breathing.

So that is all of the practical stuff we are doing.  The emotional stuff is a bit more of a challenge.  We are cherishing the moments we have and taking it one day at a time...sometimes easier said than done. Jim has been and continues to be a fighter. His spirits are strong and with the support we feel from all of you, and our care team, we know we will get through this. We are seeking balance between one day at a time and keeping the prize in sight.  We still believe we will beat the odds and Jim says he'll be the first 20 year lung cancer survivor, so at seven months we are just barely on our journey.  

Thanks for being there for us along the way!

Location:Carroll St,Sunnyvale,United States

A Season of Love

We had a short and sweet visit with Bobby and his bride, Melinda and of course, it was commemorated in video, Christmas in Cali.  We went to Monterey Bay Aquarium and had a wonderful Christmas dinner with the McFarlands.  Today, after putting the kids on a plane, we had our pre-chemo visit with the onco doctor. Jim has been coughing a lot and he's been losing sleep (so I have, too) so we are looking for some relief. Doc gave us a few suggestions and some new meds. We'll get a new lung x-ray tomorrow and then we'll get a follow-up CT scan in three weeks.

We hope you all had a wonderful Christmas and are enjoying the blessings of the season with those you love.